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more tales from my vault of stupid... pass over if you're lazy or not easily amused.

Adventure 3: Lars

Well, my brother's epicness is unfathomable, but i'm going to try and jot down a few more memorable (and shorter) things he's done. D'awuuu, I hate the guy :3

Lars 1: One time Lin and I walked into Lars' room and saw him collecting ants one by one and dropping them onto his window sill. Perplexed by this we went over to his window sill and asked him what he was doing. His reply, "I'm making sacrifices to this spider so it won't bite me." Just so you know my brother has a huge fear of bugs so it was really entertaining to see the lengths he'd go to keep them from "biting him".

Lars 2: Lin and I were downstairs doing..something (probably watching tv) when we heard a shriek come from my bro's room. He starts calling me frantically so we rush in to see what's wrong. He's on his bed flipping out that there's a spider. "Kill it! Kill it!" He was pointing like a God damn hunting dog all over the room. I ask him where the spider went or what it looked liek and he told me "like a tank with 8 legs!" I figured it was a jumping spider since we've seena few in the house so I sketched it out while he drew his interpretation...which was a box with seven legs and like 5 eyeballs. I showed him my sketch and he grudingly agreed it mildly looked liek what I drew but rmoe closely resembled his image. The whole day he was afraid to reenter his room for fear of spider. Oh yeah, he was 22 at the time... *pussy*

Lars 3 (boners): My brother has a penchant for not caring who sees his dick, even if it's his little sister or guests T__T;; Anyway, here are a few instances of his penile rampages: Lin and i were watching the original Saw movie when my brother comes out of his room with a huge morning wood to get a glass of water. I tell him "uh, Lars, look down". He looks down at his wood, looks at me and continues on his way to get ice. Then he proceeded to scratch the damn thgin while walking around and not even caring that, ya know, Lin and I were RIGHT THERE.

penile rampage 2: So yet again lin and i were watching TV or something while my brother was int he shower. Suddenly we hear the bathroom door being thrust open and see my brother dash out and up the stairs with nothing covering his junk but his hand over a mini towel. 2 minutes later he comes back down in full army gear... we still wonder to this day, where the fuck did the BDUs come from!?

penile rampage 3: my brother's old computer was given to me when he first joined the army, so while he was gone I had plenty of time to accquaint myself with it. While I was browcing the CDrive one day I found a file that read "Aja" I clicked on it and there was another file called "Don't"... I kept clicking and eventually the files read liks this : 'Aja, Don't Click On These Or I Will Fucking Kill You File01" ... *click* POOOORN. I found all my brothers home made porn. Not only was his cock everywhere *including his girlfriend and a pool table* but I also saw his friend's wangs too x___x I..I can never think of cucumbers the same...

/end penises

Lars 4: For once Lin and I aren't downstairs watchign tv. Instead we're asleep since it's 4Am on the fourth of July. All of a sudden we wake up to pounding on my door and screaming. It's my brother and my cousin and they're demanding that we wake up. Irritated I ask "WHY!?" "because, ameriicaaaa, fuck yeah!" Okaaaaay.... not a very descriptive answer... he continues being a pain in the ass for about another 3 minutes until I finally give up and get up with Lin. They drag us downstairs and outside and into the orchard (our house had a big apricot orchard just until this summer). There they proceeded to pull out Roman Candles from God knows where and fire them into the orchard. "WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING!?" I hiss at them and they grin stupidly back at me. "It's fourth of july, duh, we're lighting fireworks" "ITS 4 IN THE MORNING AND YOU'RE LIGHTING THEM OFF IN A DRY FIELD." They stop smiling... we're very lucky nothing important caught fire T__T.

Lars 5: It's christmas and my brother and I are probably 13 (him) and 9 (me). My mom is out doing somethign for about an hour so my brother and I have the duty of throwing all the paper-y materials one by one into the fireplace to get rid of them and watch the pretty green fire. Turns out burning wrapping paper in small batches is a pretty long and boring task for kids so we had the great idea to pack the fireplace full of every scrap of paper and box we could find. Then we make a makeshift flamethrower out of a bottle of orange glow, some rubber tubing and a zippo. Let's just say my mom was none too happy when she noticed 3 feet of our carpet was charred black.

OK, THIS WAS ALSO VERY LONG. I AM ENDING THIS. NOW.

haha oh yeah, ps, I just remembered somethign else my brother did!

One time he was out back shooting frogs in our pond on a rainy day with his BB gun and one of the BBs hit a rock and shot back through his lip. It was hella funny X3

Ok, seriously, THE END.